His Little Brother
by Micaiah
Summary: Dean's thoughts immediately following episode 4.20, The Rapture. What has happened to Dean's little brother?


**I wrote a drabble that is Sam's POV from this same event called "In the Panic Room." This story also ties in to another drabble I wrote a couple of weeks ago called "Almost Like Normal" but you don't have to read either drabble to understand this story. I hope you enjoy! Reviews are welcome. Thanks for reading!**

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Dean sat in the floor with his back against the panic room door. Sam had finally grown quiet within. Dean glanced over at Bobby, who was sitting on the stairs.

"You should go get some sleep, Bobby."

Bobby jumped at Dean's voice and he suspected that Bobby had already been nodding off. Bobby stood up and stretched.

"You might want to take your own advice," said Bobby.

"Yeah, later."

Bobby gave Dean a quizzical look.

"I can't leave him right now, Bobby. I just can't so spare me the lecture."

Bobby shrugged. "Suit yourself but he's going to need you more in the days to come than he does right now. You won't be doing anybody any favors by not getting some sleep."

Dean managed a grim smile. "I thought I said spare me the lecture."

Bobby trudged up the stairs without another word. Dean glanced at his watch. It had only been six hours since he had locked his little brother away, into a room where he couldn't hurt anyone……especially himself.

What had Sam been thinking? Drinking demon blood? Now Dean knew why Sam had been sneaking around with Ruby so much. It wasn't just the sex, it was something even worse and Dean had to admit that he hadn't ever thought it could be much worse than hitting it with a demon.

Dean sighed. How had things ever gotten so out of control? Would things have come to this if he'd just left Sam alone? If he'd never dragged Sam along to find Dad could Sam have lived a normal life? No, he didn't really think so. It was something that was in the cards long before either of them was born. Something neither of them had asked for but they were paying the price.

Dean knew that wasn't fair to his mom and dad. They hadn't asked for this either. Why did things like this have to happen to good people? Why couldn't God and his angels stop horrible things from happening? He should really have a talk with Cas and ask him things like that.

But wait, was Castiel even talking to him anymore? And what the hell did Cas mean when he said he certainly didn't serve him? Dean had never asked Castiel to serve him. Someone else had given Castiel orders to do what Dean said, not Dean.

"Dean, are you there?" Sam's voice was hoarse, probably from all the screaming and yelling he'd done when they first locked him up.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Dean, I'm sorry. Please let me out."

"Can't, Sammy. It's for your own good."

Dean waited for a response but the only thing that came was a heavy thud against the door. Dean had a feeling that the only chair in that room had just met with a bad end.

Dean remembered when Bobby had first shown them the panic room. They had both thought it was one of the most awesome ideas ever. Dean never thought that one day his little brother would be locked inside, detoxing from demon's blood.

His little brother….the term brought so many images to Dean's mind. Sam's first steps when Dean was only five. Sammy had fell flat on his face as he tried to walk to his older brother. The times that Dean had held Sam as he fell asleep because not only was Sam scared of the things in the dark, Dean was scared for his brother.

Dean dug in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. From it he removed a much folded and tattered piece of paper. It was the only birthday card Dean ever remembered receiving and Sam (with a little help from Dad) had made it for Dean's seventh birthday.

Tears came to Dean's eyes and he furiously wiped them away. He had told Sam the truth about being tired. He was so tired of everything. Tired of the life they lived, tired of the secrets between him and Sam and so very tired of the weight Dad had put on his shoulders.

Dad had told him he would have to save Sammy or kill him and Dean had been determined he could save him. Now he wasn't so sure. He had to face up to the fact that he might have to kill his brother for the greater good of the world and he was pretty sure the world was screwed because he couldn't do it. No matter what it cost he couldn't kill his little brother.

Dean could hear Sam sobbing on the other side of the door. Neither of them had ever been really good at consoling the other since they had gotten older. Dean had always made fun of Sam and his chick flick moments. But now as he clutched the twenty-three year old birthday card in his hand and listened to Sammy's tears he wanted nothing more than to open the door separating them and take his little brother in his arms. He wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay and they could beat this thing. He wanted to tell him all of that and so much more but he couldn't.

He couldn't open the door because the little brother he had known and loved was gone and he was left with someone who couldn't be trusted. Dean crumpled the card in his hands and when the tears came this time, he let them fall.


End file.
